I Really Hate to Fly

Friday, August 1, 2008

Up at 5:15 on approximately four hours of sleep. Cranky with 14 hours to go. Our boarding passes wouldn’t print last night so stopped off at campus before driving to the airport. By 6:05 we were headed north on highway 13 to catch I 70 West. It is a 90 mile drive to MCI in Kansas City. Personally I think the Kansas City Airport is closer to St. Joseph, MO.

We hit the city as the first of the commuters started their mornings. It wasn’t too bad as we went around K.C. on I 435 (Bridge construction on I70 and I29.)It took us exactly 90 minutes to make it to MCI and another 10 to get to economy parking (more construction). We parked in section C “All that Jazz.” It was the same place I’d parked on my trip to Toronto nearly a year ago!

The shuttle arrived in no time and we were on our way. But I could feel the telltale tightness in my chest and the knot forming in my gut.We checked our bags and the Northwest Airlines gal was very helpful. We had cheap tickets (Travelocity) and they bumped all three of us to different seats. We weren’t together. She got Orion and me together with John in front of us for our trip to Minneapolis. Security was a major pain and I am beginning to think that T.S.A. stands for The Security Assholes. A very long line and grumpy folks made us nearly the last passengers to board at 8:45.

The plane left promptly at 8:57. The flight to Minnesota was good. But I cringed with every cough, sneeze, or sniffle I heard on the plane. Planes are a hotbed of diseases- stir them up and spread them around. I was also plagued with thoughts that I had left the car unlocked in economy parking, that the pets would demolish the house, that the house would be destroyed by some catastrophic event. I tell you, this line of thought makes for terrible travel.

We walked the Minneapolis airport mall and split a burger and fries at T.G.I.Friday's before boarding. Orion liked the rail-tram. I liked the Body Shop. And John liked the burger!

The flight to B.W.I. left on time and arrived a bit early. We flew over a thunderstorm. That made for a pretty bumpy ride (Think: roller coaster!). Orion and I read a bit and colored a bit. I was so tired I thought I could have slept. I even closed my eyes. But alas, I could not!

The descent into B.W.I. was horrid. I always have trouble with my ears so I buy gum and chew away the entire trip. It was no use. Halfway down and I was nearly deaf and tears from the pain ran down my face, making for a most unhappy camper, rather flyer.

We finally landed and despite the antihistamines and gum, I was deaf. We made our way to baggage claim 13 and I went in search for my friend Jennifer who was arriving at the same time on Southwest- baggage claim 4. She’d already come and gone. Oh no! I ended up walking the half mile baggage claim area three times. It was only 4:55 Eastern and 3:55 Central, but my body insisted it was well after 10:00 pm and that I should be in bed.

The shuttle arrived promptly and took us to the BWI train stop where we picked up the MARC. Six dollars a ticket is a deal for the 35-45 minute trip to D.C. Cabs are $75 and the Super Shuttle would have run $57 for the three of us!

We had a bit of trouble navigating, but a kind pilot on the shuttle helped us out. My deafness coupled with unfamiliar accents distorted by poor microphones was a definite impairment. I kept asking John and Orion, “What did they say?” or “Is this our stop?” John may be a 21st century man (and possibly a metrosexual), but he still balks at asking for directions. He was happy to purchase the train tickets, but when I asked which platform he shrugged. Thank goodness for Arrival/Departure signs.

(Looking north for the MARC at the BWI Train Stop, 5:40 pm, August 1, 2008)

The wait for the train made me question the decision to travel in August. Baltimore is very humid. The heat, the humidity, my deafness, the exhaustion were all negatively impacting my already fragile well being.

(Unsure of the laws in Maryland, I use my mental powers to flip John the bird. How dare he take my picture when I'm feeling homicidal?)

The train trip was actually soothing. The temperature inside was cool and the rocking motion of the train helped me with my now foul mood. But would I be able to make it from Union Station to the hotel without murdering a stranger, or worse one of my own family? We arrived in D.C. at 6:30. We were hot, tired, sticky, hungry, and dirty… “Eat here or go on to the hotel?” I knew if we chose hotel I was not going to leaving again. We chose hotel. We walked the 2-3 blocks to the hotel with our luggage bumping along behind us. (Thank you, Jennifer and Ruth, for lending us your luggage with wheels!)

The Hyatt is a big hotel. The Capitol looms about two blocks south. The Hyatt is undergoing a seven million dollar renovation of their lobby. (Think: Plaster dust and a maze of temporary walls.) Check in took nearly an hour. No, I’m not kidding. The hotel had my reservation. No problem. The receptionist was slow. Some problem there. But when I pulled out American Express Travelers’ Cheques to pay her with she insisted she could not take them. Around and around we went. Finally the other receptionist explained that they were just like cash. Grrr! And to top it off, she insisted on keeping a hold on my credit card as well. Still not certain of the Traveler’s Cheques. Stupid bitch!

But I continued to smile. Switching my weight from one foot to the next as I stood there.

During the 50 minute process I watched the other receptionist check in six people! This was just like my luck when picking supermarket lanes. I did get to see some old colleagues and friends as I stood and waited.

The room was small, but nice. We all stripped off our travel duds and put on something clean. We found the Lobby Restaurant on the 11th floor (construction again) and it was very good. Orion enjoyed a $15.50 cheeseburger. I had Maryland Crab Penne for $19 and John had steak and roast potatoes for $22. Expensive? Sure! But not the most expensive meal we would have.

My only complaint from our dining experience would have been our service. We were seated, served water and bread, and then we couldn’t get anybody to take our order. Once we did, the server dropped bread on our table, touched J’s fork during dinner, took J’s plate while he was eating, and splashed us with coffee. It was the first time in years that I tipped somebody less than 20%. He got 15% - still more than I wanted to give. We made our way back to the room and crashed after showers. I don’t think I rolled over or stirred till a family decided to have a group meeting outside our room at 7:30 am. Grrr!

Things I learned Friday, August 1, 2008

• I really do despise flying.
• Unhappy people make the world difficult (especially at security in the airport!).
• Mean people suck.
• Stupid people exist outside of Missouri and Arkansas.
• It really is good to see a familiar face in a strange city.
• Having unlimited hot water is a dream.
• Wide bathtubs rock.
• Men don’t ask for directions.